This is the second suicide of a kid in my school system.
His name was Tyler, and he was in ninth grade.
The first was Sydney, and she was a senior.
I was so grateful as I was scrolling through Facebook today.
I found this, by my formerYW's leader.
I think everybody needs to hear it:
~~~~~~~
WHY I DIDN'T COMMIT SUICIDE, BY SISTER PACK
Less than two days ago, [my daughter's] friend took his life. Last
night she came home from a 90-minute candlelight vigil held in his
honor. As I looked at her puffy red eyes, a flood of memories came back
to me. When I was her age, I had decided to do the same thing.
Obviously,
I didn’t do it or else I wouldn’t be able to write this note. I can
count on one hand the number of people I have ever told about this. But
because this is the third suicide in a month in my community, I’ve
decided to go public as to (1) why I wanted to die and (2) why I didn’t
die.
WHY I WANTED TO DIE
I decided to commit suicide
for two main reasons. First, I wanted to exact revenge on my bully. I
figured this would be the most effective way to inflict on her the kind
of pain I thought she was inflicting on me. My plan was to leave a
note saying it was all her fault and she should blame herself for my
death. I fantasized about how miserable and tormented she would be
knowing that she caused this.
Second, I felt like I wasn’t
an earthly being having spiritual experiences, but that I was a
spiritual being having earthly experiences (I still feel that way). I
was tired of being away from my Heavenly Father and all the trials and
heartache associated with living on earth. I missed God and wanted to
be with Him.
WHY I DIDN’T DIE
I finally came very
close to actually doing it when my dad unknowingly stopped me. That
jolted me into the reality of what I was doing. I realized that I was
looking at a permanent solution to a temporary problem. While I knew
that I would create heartache for my bully, I realized that heartache
wouldn’t last forever. Eventually she’d be able to deal with her
feelings of guilt. She’d grow up, get married, have children, and live a
full life. I never would. It finally dawned on me that my plan for
revenge was punishing me far more than her.
The other
reason why I didn’t do it was fear of what would happen to me when I
died. I was afraid that Heavenly Father would be mad at me for what I
did in order to see Him. As a result, I was afraid it meant that I
would be separated from Him because I broke the commandment “Thou shalt
not kill.” This seemed worse than being separated from Him on earth. I
have no idea what happens to people who choose to take their own life.
As a 14-year-old, I decided I didn’t want to find out.
Less
than six months later, my cousin killed himself on the one-year
anniversary of his best friend’s suicide. Watching the pain and
heartache my aunt went through, and how hard it was for my dad to try to
comfort her, I knew that I had made the right choice. Not only would I
have punished my bully, I would have punished those who loved me as
well, my friends and family. I committed to myself that I would never
ever again consider suicide as an option. I’m proud to say that 29
years later, I never have.
~~~
(Hi. It's me again)
Please, don't ever commit suicide. It's the wrong kind of attention. Really.
